All That There Is Today

Man oh man life is crazy. This week has been an emotional rollercoaster with things coming at me from all directions. With a million more things to do for "Hell Week" of school... I have no time to update this or even breathe. But in the midst of all my doubt and insanity, anger and heartache, tears and exhaustion... this song played on my radio and brought me peace--even if only for a moment. I must keep trying to internalize the lyrics and take a deep breath! I will get through everything!

                                "What Life Would Be Like" by Big Daddy Weave

I wish I was more of a man.
Have you ever felt that way?
And if I had to tell you the truth,
I'm afraid I'd have to say
That after all I've done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be.

And what if I could fix myself?
Maybe then I could get free.
I could try to be somebody else
Who's much better off than me.
But I need to remember this
That its when I'm at my weakest I can clearly see

[CHORUS]
He made the lame walk, and the dumb talk
And He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time,
yet He knows our deepest desperate need.
And the world waits, while His heart aches,
To realize the dream.
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me....Yeah.

What if you could see yourself
through another pair of eyes?
And what if you could hear the truth,
instead of old familiar lies?
And what if you could feel inside
The power of the Hand that made the universe
You'd realize.....

[CHORUS]
He made the lame walk, and the dumb talk
And He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time,
yet He knows our deepest desperate need.
And the world waits, while His heart aches,
To realize the dream.
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me....Yeah.

[BRIDGE]
All our hearts they burn within us.
All our lives we've longed for more.
So let us lay our lives before
The One who gave His life for us.

[CHORUS]
He made the lame walk, and the dumb talk
And He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time,
yet He knows our deepest desperate need.
And the world waits, while His heart aches,
To realize the dream.
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me....Yeah.

Let Him live through you and me...yeah.

Is It Thursday Already?

Man this week has just flown by! Who would have guessed it! I can't believe it's already Thursday! Well I might miss writing Saturday, Sunday, or Monday night (we'll see!) because I should be up in Mammoth with my dad and brother! It was supposed to be the whole family, but my dog has been very sick lately and my mom selflessly is staying home to care for him. Kind of a bummer all around... but I am still grateful for my time away! Hopefully I will be able to board both days and not be too consumed with homework. I tried to get enough done ahead of time... we shall see!

For my way of choosing love today I came up with this super rad idea of a way to make people smile. Basically, I am just putting up a bunch of little signs throughout campus for motivation and affirmation. I spent a chunk of the day making them, and will put them up sometime next week! So excited! The idea just came to me in the middle of class... so I hope that it is a good one and will make some people smile!

I also volunteered to read and edit a classmate's paper in my "free" time. We'll see how it goes! I need all the extra seconds I can get this weekend! Here's to hoping tomorrow is filled with happiness and with conviction that I can and will make a positive difference!

The Wednesday Update

I left the blog alone for a while because I wanted people to really be able to see the post about Paul Farmer first if they happened to click on my page. But a couple days is enough to leave it alone... so onwards I go!

On Monday, my beautiful friend and I went for a lovely walk on the beach in Santa Barbara. Along the way we picked up a lot of glass, bottles, and other trash. Cleaning up the beach as we went along both helped to insure no one else was harmed by accidentally stepping on something that shouldn't have been there, as well as made sure that the trash was not going into the ocean and polluting that area for the animals that lived there. It was a simple way to show love to people and the Earth in general!

These past few days (Tuesday and Wednesday) have been a little difficult for me in general. A lot has been going on in so many facets of like that sometimes my brain just wants to explode! Finding ways to choose love has been really calming amid the storm, but it also has been harder for me to find ways to choose love. There have been a few times were I looked back on the day and realized I had been loving people all along without trying... but I do still want to be intentional. It is hard sometimes to not get so caught up in my own world that I forget about what how I am to be reflecting the Kingdom. So I just have to be more intentional in that as the days go on!

I found this picture today and just thought how perfect for this situation! So I am leaving the blog with this today... and will update later.

Spotlight Sunday- Dr. Paul Farmer

I am a little late on writing this one because... drumroll please... I was MEETING THE PERSON THIS IS ABOUT! WOOOOOHOOOOO!

Sometime in life, the people that inspire us the most are not people that we see everyday; they might not even know our name. It's a lesson in the importance of always trying to choose love everyday because you never know whom you may touch with your kindness--even people that you may not even know!

My Spotlight Sunday this week is for Dr. Paul Farmer. I had to read one of his books, Pathologies of Power, for my Law class my freshman year at UCSB. At the time, I was just totally mesmerized by the book (proof that some GE's are totally worth it!). I remember that my good friend at the time that was taking the class with me didn't even really read the book. We were supposed to write a huge paper on it (mine was 26 pages!) so I'm not sure how he pulled that off... but I was kinda bummed at the time because I really was inspired by what I was reading and wanted to talk to someone else about it. Fast forward a few years... getting into the medical world by volunteering in the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital, taking all my nursing pre-reqs, doing EMT, and being on the human cadaver team... I finally found some people that I could talk to about it. Someone mentioned his name one time and I almost stopped in my tracks. You mean THE PAUL FARMER?! YOU READ ONE OF HIS BOOKS TOO?! Well as it turns out... anyone who really is inspired by and convicted to reach out to underserved (under served... not un deserved!!!) medicine has read at least one of his books. I gave my copy of PoP to my Medical Microbio professor because she just had to read it. (in my mind at least). It was so rad that I finally had people that I could geek out with. As time went on... I found more and more people that thought the way I did--the way that Dr. Farmer does: There are people all over the world, in rich countries and poor, in large cities and desolate areas, that are dying simply because they don't have the access to proper healthcare. I'm not talking the most expensive, radical, insane drug that is cutting edge technology. I am talking about people that die because of diarrhea. People that die because they were unable to get proper healthcare for a broken bone and got an infection. People that don't have access to medicine to treat tuberculosis and in turn are not only dying themselves, but infecting those around them. The sadness of it all is that some people get treatment and some will die all because we either won or lost some sort of birth lottery.

At his talk, Dr. Farmer (I keep wanting to just call him Paul...!) talked about how he was hit by a car in his early 20s. He said that he had multiple surgeries and physical therapy and was fine. And when he thought about how it would have been if the same thing had happened to some of the people he worked with in Haiti... the outcome would have been different. He said that it wasn't a question of if they might have died... it was highly improbable they would have lived.

Things such as that just absolutely break my heart. Dr. Farmer said himself that “The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world." And I have to agree. It is just absolutely heartbreaking that people can die in one place and be up and running around in the other just because of where they were born and what type of economically advantaged family they had the (mis)fortune of being dropped into. Heartbreaking. It's the only word for what happens to my soul when I think about it.

The beautiful thing about Dr. Farmer's stories and books is that he has been fighting for decades to help end the inequity of human rights in healthcare. He has done so many inspiring things and saved so many lives that I could write a few books myself on it all. He has been the hands and feet of change. He understands that price and cost are not the same thing and that every human being is worthy of being helped. He isn't flipping economies upside down or creating some socialist society. He's not coauthoring Obamacare or saying everything should be free. Armed with reason, intelligence, and compassion he has transformed cities, negotiated with drug companies, re-prioritized agendas, and has saved lives. I really challenge you to learn more about him and about Partners in Health.

He is a huge hero of mine and an absolute inspiration. Hearing him talk just really affirmed how important it is for me to finish nursing school so that one day I can really effect change by teaming up with people who are fighting for their right to medical access. One of the greatest things was afterwards, he signed books for hours. Literally until past midnight. It didn't matter that he just came to Santa Barbara from SIBERIA... he stayed until past midnight to meet and greet everyone that was there. The line was sort of long, sort of not... so why did it take so darn long? Because when you went up there, he wanted to know about you. He wanted to hear part of your story, your journey, what you aspired to do. He cared about each individual. We were never a sea of faces that he was talking down to in a crowd... we were people that meant something to him. The essence of his work proclaims this in medicine... that we are all important... but to see that in person just left me speechless. This famous person that cared enough about you to hear your story. Amazing.

Thank you Dr. Farmer for all you have done and continue to do. This Spotlight Sunday only begins to cover the impact you've had on my life. Cheers to you!

In So Few Words.

My heart is in a million places right now...

So instead of blogging tonight, I am going to just share with you some quotes that have inspired me this week.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -George Elliot

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” 
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

 “A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

"Don't let the inequities of life keep you from earnest, dedicated work. We serve GOD, not people!"

“Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same -- with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead.” 
― Mother Teresa

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein

Faithful Friday

In choosing love today, I helped a super panicked mom through her C-section. I know it's kind of my job as a nurse... but she was like majorly wiggin out! I felt so bad for her because literally all she needed to know was that everything she was feeling as normal and that she was doing great. The baby was super adorable and I made sure to definitely snag a few candid photos on their family camera for them to discover later because mom and dad were so busy and nervous they forgot about their camera completely! I snagged some precious ones and told dad to capture the moment too (because he was talking about taking pictures for like 30 minutes straight before it all!). I told them I took a few-- they were so happy! I hope they enjoyed looking through their camera and seeing them once all the excitement died down a little bit!

I also helped to donate money to a family I didn't know. Someone came to our bible study one time and friended me on Facebook. I thought I would see a lot more of her, so I accepted her request. It turns out a different community group was closer to her house so she switched groups--but I love her uplifting posts so I haven't deleted her off my friends list. Anywho, one of her friends had a friend that just lost her husband in a tragic car accident. They are financially unable to pay for a funeral, so they started a GoFundMe site to help with just the bare minimum of the funeral costs. I don't know them; the girl I barely know doesn't even know them except through her cousin... but I knew it was the right thing to do. As someone who has been personally affected by people taken too soon through tragic car accidents, I sympathized heavily with their pain. I know I will never understand it completely because I am not in their exact shoes, but I couldn't help but be moved by their story. So I donated money to their family. When I last checked, they were about halfway to their goal. Even if they don't reach it, I am assured that each dollar will help ease the financial burden they are facing right now. They have enough sorrow to deal with, worrying about a proper burial should never be one of them.

If you feel called to donate, or even just read their story, please do so here: 

http://www.gofundme.com/821n8s

For Faithful Friday, I would like to thank the Lord for these things:

Financial Ability: I am always struggling to make ends meet, but I always do. The Lord has given me so much and has let me use my money towards blessing others. I am so thankful that He led me to save all of my tip money from Denny's and Outback to use during this time of paying my way through schooling. I am grateful that my family is providing the means to put a safe roof over my head. Thank you for my financial security at this time Jesus!

Friendship: I know I praised Cori last week in my Spotlight Sunday: but every day I am just so encouraged by her. I keep remembering all the little things she has done in my life to make an impact. She is an incredible friend and I am so thankful for her. I am also so thankful for so many of my other friends who have touched me with their kindness this past week!

School: I've made it through another week unscathed! And that is enough for praising right now! I am so thankful! I just have to keep taking it day by day!

Family: It was a delight to spend time with my family Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. They are the wind beneath my wings!

Prayer: My friend Kodee's sister with the baby that was in the NICU was able to come home!!! PRAISE! So amazing! Also a guy in my bible study has been feeling the attack of the enemy this past month or so and texted me this week saying he felt my prayers really working in his life. I am so grateful!

Real Life Church (Valencia): Over 11,000 people came to hear the testimony of Bethany Hamilton. I am so amazed at what God is doing! I hope people were inspired by her story to find and follow Jesus

Jesus in Valencia: There were many announcements for Easter in the paper in my parents' hometown. They recently added a section in the newspaper COMPLETELY DEDICATED TO GOD. I am amazed and stunned and overjoyed! There is also a Worship Jam with Building 429(!!!!) and other local worship bands coming up!!! God is really moving in this city! It's amazing!

Real Life (Campus Crusade for Christ-UCSB): I am overjoyed that my friend's friend that I spent Spring break touring around LA went to his first bible study and first Real Life meeting this week!!! It's amazing! I am so moved by how God works through Real Life and through the people on the Campus of UCSB

Kenneth Shin: He performed an amazing, sacrificial act of love for a stranger today. I don't want to be specific with the details, as it is his story to share if he so chooses, but I am so blessed by Kenneth and inspired by his generosity! 

Thank you Jesus for such answer to prayer this week!

A Simple Small Little Nothing

Today I wanted to focus on being intentional with loving people in an incredibly simple, yet powerful, way: by genuinely greeting them. I went to class and looked people in the eye and asked them how they were and really listened to their responses. I went to the bookstore to buy a birthday card to send out to a friend and made sure I was upbeat, positive, and really asked how the person was doing in a non-automatic way. I smiled at every street corner. When someone was backing out of a spot causing me to wait, I simply sat there smiling my heart out! The driver and the passenger both smiled and waved a little "thanks for waiting!" with authenticity right back at me! I went to a Goodwill to buy a few things, and made quick, but meaningful, conversation with the cashier and made sure to wish him an absolutely beautiful rest of his day. I grabbed something else from Michael's (the craft store) and when a worker asked me if I needed help and how my day was going, I was exuberant with joy and asked him back. He just kept restocking shelves and I paused, turned towards him (before I was only making eye contact directly by moving my head!), and awaited his response. It took him a second to realize what was going on and then said "Wait, you really want to know how my day is?" I told him that of course I did; he was an important person and I wanted to know how his day was going as well. We talked for about a minute or two (he had to get back to work!), but I really think I shocked him by actually being intentional and caring about his response. I hope that made a small difference in his life today! I was also intentional with the cashier.... and then I made my way home!

I think it should not be understated how important it is to just be intentional with others. Choosing love doesn't mean you have to spend all your money on others or be lavish or extravagant with your ideas; being happy and making people feel like they aren't just an automated response is absolutely important too. No small deed that can create happiness is ever insignificant!

I hope you will be encouraged to be intentional this weekend!!!

Study Bug

It's 9 am and I am just getting to write this blog because I had a test and well... all-nighters! WOOH! Actually I took an hour nap, so technically not an all-nighter, but pretty much. The test went alright I think which is always a huge blessing!

So today (technically yesterday) was a day full of studying-- but it was a great day too! I took an hour-hour and a half study break and went to the Norton Simon Museum, which is an art museum. There were a lot of sculptures and paintings that were just incredible. I am sure the names Picasso, Degas, Monet, Vuillard, van Gogh, Braque, Matisse, Bonnard, Rousseau, Diego Rivera, and Andy Warhol might ring a few bells. It was amazing. I am always so in awe of people that have the gift of art. I wanted to be a painter when I was a little kid... until I realized I was not that good... but the dream still holds a fond place in my heart. I think it is just amazing how these painting and sculptures that people have made decades and even, for some, hundreds of years ago still have such an impact on people today. Some of the artwork literally made me tear up. Could you imagine leaving a legacy of something that still evokes emotions and feelings in people hundreds of years later? What kind of legacy would you want to leave? Would you help them to cope, to laugh, to smile? Would you bring them through heartache or feel misery? Clearly I am trying, not only with this blog, to leave a legacy of love, but I can't help but feel awe for all of the emotions that these artists have left us with. I am so glad that so many of the artwork evokes feelings of beauty and hope. I think the most incredible pieces are those in which the artist was going through an extremely tough time and still managed to paint messages of hope. I feel like that is a lot of what I am trying to do myself-- show love even when I don't necessary want to. Show kindness when I am having a bad day myself. I think that is the most impactful message that there can be... because showing love is worth is no matter how you are feeling inside.

I chose to show love today by paying for audio sets for a family at the museum. They were only $3, but after paying for admission, the family couldn't afford to rent the headsets for the audio tour. It was clear that the whole family wished they were able to afford to rent the headsets, so I rented them for them! I just asked that they use their ID to "reserve" them so that they could keep using them after I left because I knew I would not be able to stay there for long. Hopefully they enjoyed them as much as I did! I hope that they were inspired by the artwork and that they felt the message of love that I was trying to send for them. I hope they remember this trip to the museum... because after seeing all those famous artists and pieces-- I know that I would!




With that-- I leave the post with this:
This picture was one of the most beautiful ones that I saw while I was there. It was painted by Vincent van Gogh. It had so much life and so much hope and beauty in the piece-- even though van Gogh was suffering himself. At the time he painted this, he had cut off his ear and entered the asylum at Saint-Rémy-de-Provence. Then he painted this magnificent piece. Less than eight months after his completion, he committed suicide. It was really tragic and sad to think about. But to see that he was able to paint something that, years later, could give me so much hope and inspiration... that was incredible to me. I am so glad that he did--it was one of my favorite pieces. I hope that I can leave a similar legacy--even amid any turmoil I might face, I'd like to be able to still inspire and give others hope.

 dannnnng. just look at all that paint! So thick! So amazing!

The April Fool

Today's good deed: I taped money to our school's vending machine for some hungry soul to find later today :) Hope that brightened someone's day!!!

And with that-- that's all she wrote for the blog today folks! I don't trust anyone on April Fool's so I won't write more because who really knows what the truth is!! A day of people lying to one another never really added up in my head anyways...!


So on this day, watch this video instead! This is the kind of prankster I want to be! And that woman is also someone I inspire to emulate. Cheers!