Love Alone is Worth the Fight

Life's just tough sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes you feel like you can do no wrong, and other times you feel like you can do no right. It's a crazy world we live in full of ups and downs and all arounds. Today I chose love by running to the Christian bookstore to pick up a birthday card for a girl in my community group (bible study) and a birthday gift to give to my best friend for when I am able to go and see her. It wasn't the most difficult thing to do in the world... but parting with money when you are a broke college kid that skips lunch 3+ days a week... it's a little rough! So I guess I chose love by sacrificing a bit for them because they are wonderful and deserve to be celebrated.

So what's up with the life is tough speech? Well it was the rest of the day. After buying the stuff, I was supposed to run into the grocery store and pick some things up for my mom. She was in the car with me and was yelling at me as I was walking away. I yelled WHAT? back and she yelled back and I still didn't hear her so I got so frustrated that when I finally walked all the way back to the car I blew up on her. And to be honest I was just in a grumpy mood all day... maybe even all weekend... being super snappy. So how is it that I can choose love one moment and being a snapping turtle the next? Well, it's just a process. I can't be transformed overnight. And I believe that to be true, but also can't help but feel it is a bit of a cop-out at times. The reality is that it is hard to choose love all the time. And sometimes I am just exhausted and don't want to anymore! But it doesn't mean it's okay to lash out at others or affect their happiness. I am supposed to show love always. So while I must extend myself grace, I also realize I have a lot of work to do! It's like one of my favorite songs says "Lord, I need you, oh, I need you! Every hour I need you". So I must try even harder to rely on Him every hour so I can continue to show love even when I am exhausted!

So what's got me so exhausted? Oh a million things naturally! I am a woman with a lot on her mind! Of course the insanity and stress of school is always there. Because of the ridiculous time commitment of the program, I feel strained from being able to do a lot of work that I feel is extremely important and meaningful. It feels like I am wasting my life at times because there are so many things I feel like I should be doing, ways I should be helping, that I cannot commit myself to right now because I have no time. It's grating. I am trying to look toward the light at the end of the tunnel. It reminds me of this story I heard once... and I am forgetting like 90% of it... but basically it has to do with being at the end of a long journey (like a marathon for example) and being literally a few feet away from the finish line. But there is a wall blocking the view of the end. The end is literally a few feet away, one just has to walk around the wall... but the person cannot see the finish line and gives up right before the end. It's hard when I feel like I can't see the finish line, but I know that God put me in the race and I have to remind myself that it is only a little bit further. And it will be sweet victory when I am finally there!

There are many other things on my mind as well, but I don't feel called to share it. However, I do feel called to share this last one: One of my good friends from Syracuse passed away a while ago and it was his birthday today. That is always a tough thing to get through! He was the epitome of choosing love everyday though. It there was ever a person to celebrate-- it is him. So in my sadness today, I was brightened by the thought of how his life has had a rippling effect on the lives of those all around him because of his incredible love. It's sad and inspiring all at the same time. I miss and love you Matt Murphy! I hope that I am able to make you proud and that at the end of my time on Earth, people feel a rippling effect of love from me because you've laid out of heck of an example! <3

Spotlight Sunday- Cori Stritzel

Today was lovely. I feel asleep at 8:30 last night... so no blog... but man did sleep ever feel fantastic! Today I studied/read for about 11 hours... but I was able to go in the spa and play a family game with the greatest humans I know... so it was a success! :)

For my Spotlight Sunday... I chose someone that it was only a matter of time until they showed up. I am actually surprised that it's been a whole month before I featured them because they are just the most amazing influence in my life (besides Jesus and my parents, of course!). Well I couldn't hold out any longer... and so here I am writing about my dearest, best friend-- Corinne Stritzel!

Just like I mentioned with Ian, I could write books about why Cori is one of the greatest human being on the face of the planet. I swear, libraries could be dedicated to this girl. However, I am going to attempt to keep it short and sweet because I honestly could never stop writing. Of the things about my dearest friend that stand out to me, one of the biggest qualities I admire would have to be her devotion to the Lord, which I think births her second greatest quality: her humility. Cori is the most devoted person I know to Jesus and to really following His Way with her actions as much as she is devoted with her words. She volunteers her time to anyone in need and always points people back to Jesus. I love talking her about all of my struggles or problems because you better believe this little missy is going to hit me with 39 bible verses to walk me through it and a 10 minute speech about how God views the problem. It's really so uplifting and lightening for my soul to have a friend that is so on the same page as I am. When I talk about what I believe marriage should be like, she echos my thoughts on being a biblical wife. When I talk about how to serve others in the nursing profession, she gives me fun, new perspectives on her end. She is always challenging and growing me in faith and as a person. She is a true friend because she points me to Christ and she is someone I can truly be myself with. I don't fear any judgment, even for the nasty parts of life that we keep in the shadows sometimes, because she doesn't judge me and she just helps me to follow God's path. She is amazing.

Like I said, Cori's humility is second-to-none. She always thinks she can grow, change, be better. Sometimes it is hard to give her a compliment because she'll throw three more right back at you... but she really does have a servant's heart. She'd also give people the shirt off of her back for anyone who needed it. She volunteers the small amount of free time she has (because she's in nursing school too!), she spends time in prayer for people constantly, she is always trying to bless others, and she opens her life and her things willingly to others. I texted her tonight asking if I could crash at her house next weekend... even though it's last minute and she has school the next day... and she told me OF COURSE within like 20 seconds, with a compliment about how I'm amazing. LIKE REALLY?! How do people like this exist in the world? I have no idea. But I am so grateful that she does and that she calls me her friend. She is the most selfless and loving person I know (barring my mommy) and just absolutely an utter joy to be around always. I have never had a friend that loves people the way she does, especially without any recognition. On a 20 minute phone conversation, it would bring her joy to spend 19 minutes talking about the other person and 1 minute about herself. It's insane. Ugh. I could talk forever about the gift she is to me and to the world. I hope I have many more years with her by my side because I cannot even begin to think of anyone else that I would want to act like; and they say that you end up acting like who you surround yourself with! So here's to you Miss Corinne Stritzel. I love you and I am so beyond amazed by your grace, love, and devotion to the Lord. Thank you for always bringing Heaven to Earth. You blow my mind.

Faithful Friday!

Yay! So excited to do Faithful Friday! Today was an AMAZING day because clinical got cancelled! YESSSSSSS! Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE nursing... but it's every nursing kid's dream to have some sort of class cancelled just so they can finally get to sleep for once. My clinical instructor for OB (Labor and Delivery) is a Midwife. So today she was in the middle of a delivery and couldn't make it in time to the hospital. I got the text at 5:15 that clinical was cancelled from a classmate, hopped on the computer, read through every e-mail I could find, got confirmation from the other 10 students, then went back to bed. I slept until about 11:30 and it felt like absolute magic. I can't remember a time where sleeping ever felt so amazing. So I am absolutely so incredibly thankful for that! In nursing it is a bit of a double-edged sword because we have to make up the clinical hours. This means that we will probably have a day in the skills lab tacked on somewhere along the line on a day where I probably want to/should be studying instead... but for now, I am one happy cookie.

Other lovely things about the day: I was able to talk on the phone to my best friend in the entire world for AN HOUR AND A HALF. Magical stuff like this just doesn't get to happen to nursing students. It was AMAZING. She also gave me the e-mail to someone that I might be able to contact to ask more about ER jobs in SB! YES!!!! AMAZING! So excited for that! So blessed for Cori too. She's just so amazing!

A third lovely thing about the day: I was able to Skype my other friend for a long time. It was just the day of catching up! I just feel so happy and so re-energized! Not being able to have any breaks pretty much wears on you in this program, so being able to get the entire day off today really was amazing. Being able to talk to my friends helps me to stay focused so I can keep trucking along. It was fantastic to be able to talk to him... it always is! Thanks Jesus! (I was also to get a lot of reading and a paper done too. Wooh!)

Other things this week that deserve praise:
-As I mentioned in my previous post, my OB professor decided to grade our tests differently so we didn't all fail. YES! I need to keep working hard because she won't be so kind in the future... but I am SO grateful that we were given mercy this time around. Thank you Jesus! That helps to relieve so much stress!
- I got to hang out with my family on Tuesday night! YES! Always the most incredible time. Now that Brian is home, it's like Heaven on Earth when I get to go home. Although I didn't win at Yahtzee this time... my mom is always the winner... it was a fantastic time. I am going home tomorrow too because I had to switch cars so my parents could get mine fixed. Oh darn... I have to go back again... total bummer.....  ;)
- One of the girls in my class reached out to me to help study for OB! I am so grateful for her! I hope it helps!!!
- I had a fantastic time gallivanting across LA with Hunter. Like a mini-break almost! While I had to pay for it with sleepless nights and a crap-ton of catch up work... it was SO wonderful and I am so glad I was able to have some fun!
- We had a conference on Thursday instead of one of my classes. I was so pumped!
- Thursday's third class was also cancelled so I was able to start and finish that group project. One less thing to worry about! It seems like somehow this ended up being like a mini-Spring Break, even though it wasn't supposed to be (and I still had some class lol)
- My dear friend Kodee's sister had a baby; the baby has been sick and in the ICU since her birth. Well the baby has been positively progressing more and more each day! God is truly healing her! It has been a hard battle, but Kodee, Tiffany (her sister), and the sweet little angel of a baby Brooklyn, have all been fighting and praying hard. God is answering our prayers!


Wonderful week! Can't wait to go home tomorrow after clinicals :)

And an ending verse that has been on my heart all week:
If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you!- Proverbs 11:27

Time for Water

I thought I would write this blog tonight a bit earlier than I usually do because I thought that I should try and get to sleep early and knew that if I relaxed at all before writing it... sleepiness would overcome me and I might not get to it! So here it goes!

Today was pretty uneventful as a whole... so instead of a daily recap with a dose of day love... I'm just going to skip straight to the loving part! Today I was able to give the card I wrote to the girl in my class that had a hip biopsy. It was really great to see her smile and I really feel like she felt cared for! No telling what her results will bring, but I hope that in that moment she felt comforted and not so alone! Hopefully just the small act of writing her a card will help her to feel loved and hopefully that will help to inspire her to share her love with others even more-- she really is a lovely person! (Same girl that I helped with her Bioethics Midterm!)

I also helped to choose love today with a group project. After a lot of craziness--about a week ago I was able to get into different groups for all of our projects. (YAY!) For one of my group projects, my group decided to stay after class and just get it all done today. One of the girl's decided she couldn't make it because she has a baby sick at home. I chose love my offering to help do her part for her so she wouldn't have to worry about it later. She is definitely the kind of person who is hardworking and would not just flake on a project. I am lucky, for this program, that I don't have kids. It is hard enough not being able to see my friends and family-- I couldn't really imagine doing this and missing out on spending time with my children. I thought it was only right to give her a break and let her just focus on being with her baby. I was also able to finish two letters today! Can't wait to buy some envelopes so I can start mailing them out to my friends :)  Lastly, Unicef is doing this thing apparently where if you log on to uniceftapproject.org from your phone... you can help raise money for people who do not have access to drinking water. Donating a few dollars is totally amazing and really goes far for this organization! But if you can't donate, or even on top of donation, if you log on to that site through your iPhone (or other smartphone I'm sure...) every minute you stay away from your phone counts towards a donation from others. Basically it tracks if you are using your phone... and the more minutes you are able to abstain... the more money gets donated! Awesome! So I have stayed off my phone for the past hour and 42 minutes and counting. I'm sadly forgoing my nightly call home so I can wrack up as many minutes as I can before hitting the hay! (Also, I am donating some of my own money)


Hope that you feel inspired today to do what you can to help others and to choose love everyday in your life :)

The View from Up Here

Man. I am so thankful for my family. I could write a thousand books about that subject. I spend the morning with my mom, the afternoon studying, and the night with my new friend from Sunday. And this is how it went: Morning: my mom is the BESTTTTTTTT. I love my mom. Mom, mom, mom. My mom is great. MOMMMMMM. Afternoon: ugh. studying. I wish I was still at home... with my mom. and my dad. I'm going to call my dad. I miss my dad. MOMMMM. Nighttime: Let me talk about how cool my family is for twenty minutes.

So yeah. That's how my life is going right about now. And if you know me, you know that's pretty accurate of how my life usually is.... but even moreso today. Being in a program as intense as the one I am in just makes every day really stressful. It seems like sometimes it just isn't worth going on... but my family is always there for me to pump me up and cool me down. They are amazing. This morning it was just so easy for me to see why I was so inspired to live a life of choosing love; it's what I've grown up around my whole life. My dad is just incredible... but I'm just gonna talk a bit about Mama K for a sec. This woman would give me her last kidney without thinking twice if I needed it. She loves to make me breakfast every single time I come home and it's always just so loving and so thoughtful. It's either a sneak-attack, wake-up with french toast... or a let me know when I can get breakfast started for you!... kinda thing. She is amazing. She made me breakfast this morning and what comes with it? A CARD. A beautiful lovely card. She was going to send it to me because SHE READ THAT I LIKED GETTING LETTERS. Can I just cry right now? Amazing. Then inside the card was a letter from her and a gift--one that was so unnecessary and kind and just unexpected. My mom, ladies and gents! Then she was off on her way to go meet a friend for lunch to catch up and encourage her. She had three books and spent time really looking over each one to see what one would be the best to surprise her friend with. Come. On. Really? Really. This is my everyday life with this woman. It's absolutely no wonder that I am inspired to try and love people. That's what my mom does every single second of every single day. She's beautiful.

I chose love today by sending a get-well card to a friend, praying for people, checking in with friends, and meeting my new friend for dinner and paying for parking. It was a really great day. Also, I went to school to study with classmates, but no one else showed up. So, I just chose to show grace and send them my notes anyways.

Hanging out with my friend we went to the Griffith Observatory. After spending time swapping stories about our childhoods and how we were shaped by our families, I couldn't help but look out at all those twinkling lights of the city and feel sorry for so many of those people below me. I am just so incredibly lucky that I have grown up with such incredible role models-- people that make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world every.single.day. I am so fortunate; I hit the birth lottery. Reflecting on how much I have been given while looking out at the world was incredible. I hope that I can help spread the love to all of those people under the twinkling lights below me. Hopefully one day many more people will be able to look out from the view and think, look at that city of love.

Back From Hiatus

Well you know how sometimes the best laid intentions just don't work out... well that's what's happened this past few days! I kept trying to get on to blog and a million things happened... including getting locked out of my own computer for over 10 hours from some weird app-gone-wrong. A few times I was "able" to blog, but since it was past midnight and I already was running on like -3 hours of sleep, I decided that the world would just have to be able to handle it that I couldn't write that night. But now I'm back! And excited to be able to continue with the blog! I thought about writing a blog for each day I missed, because while I wasn't able to type it on the computer... the idea of the blog is always on my mind and I reflected plenty about what experiences I would share each day. But after how long it took to catch up after my Santa Barbara weekend, I decided it was best to just do one blog that is a recap of the past few days instead. So here it goes!


Saturday! Saturday was a trying, trying day. I had to follow a nurse that was nothing more than miserable. I really can't remember a time where someone treated me like I was so invisible, insignificant, or burdensome. She was a piece of work. And then apparently ended up complaining about my instructor, myself, and another student for "not caring and being lazy". Yah... okay lady. So my challenge of choosing love on Saturday was essentially to not blow up on her or to defend myself. I just let her have her moment of being a jerk. I know that I am a great nurse. I know I try my best to learn everything I can. I know she was a total rude and bitter jerk to me that day. I just tried to extend grace her way and realize that I don't know her or her life or what is going on in her mind or heart that was making her act like that. So that was a tough experience--but I tried my best!!

Sunday! I was going to do my Spotlight Sunday... but the person I was writing it on deserved way more than a rushed blog post... so I'm waiting for this Sunday to give them a real shout-out! I spend all of Sunday running around with a friend of one of my good friends. The kid is from Texas, doesn't know anyone in LA besides his family, and asked if I wouldn't mind showing him around while he is down here for Spring Break. While I had a lot to do... because: nursing school... I knew the right thing to do would be to make him feel welcome. So we went all around... The Queen Mary, Aquarium of the Pacific, Hollywood Walk of Fame, Madame Tussauds of Hollywood, and to dinner. I knew that he also didn't have a lot of money... so I paid for quite a bit of his share of things. I think that he really enjoyed hanging out. And it's always nice to be able to invest in other people! It showed me the long grasp that God can have on our lives. I really didn't even know this kid... but because of Jesus I knew my friend and my friend knew him! So hopefully he will go back to school from Spring Break feeling loved and cared for :)

Monday! I'm going to be missing a clinical day towards the end of this quarter, so I had to make it up on Monday. I was really excited because my instructor works at Children's Hospital Los Angeles and so my make-up day was there! I had a fantastic nurse and really was able to do and learn a lot! I am so incredibly grateful for my instructor. She is so lovely. I chose love on Monday by texting someone I didn't really want to text to earnestly wish them luck on their job interviews this week. It was hard because I have a rocky past with this person and it ended with me being the one who was hurt... however, I knew it was the right thing to do. It was important that this person knew that someone was rooting for their success. Definitely tough, but totally worth it.

Tuesday! We got our grades back for our OB test and not one person passed. Oh boy. Good news is that this means she threw out all the Select All That Apply questions and we all did much better. But she had us "learn how to do those types of questions" in class and made it clear that we are all in for a rude awakening on the next test. Yikes! I am grateful that we didn't all suffer this time though! I was able to get started on writing some of those letters to my penpals. None of them are done yet, but a lot are started! I chose love today by learning that a girl in my class was going through a procedure Wednesday and went and got her a card after class. Then I went to my parents' house and was able to spend the night with them and my brother! That was all wonderful, of course!!!


I will write about Wednesday (today) later tonight! Glad to be back in the swing of writing everything down again!

Faithful Friday

Today's the day! And I have so much to be lifting God up in prayer for!

Many, many, mannnnny of my friends had finals this week (and some for the last time ever :o ) and two lovely ladies of mine had midterms. I prayed and prayed and prayed over them! Three people that I specifically prayed for all told me that they thought their test went really well! YES! I love that I have friends that do not rely on Jesus to get them a good grade without putting in any effort. I love that they work so hard and have confidence that He will see them through, and also realize that if they are not able to show all their hard work in grade form... they believe God will use that setback for good. I am so proud of their hard work and of their faith!

Prayer Calendar and PenPals galore!: I am so excited! 10 people have asked to be on my prayer calendar! I am so excited to be intentional in prayer for specific people based on their needs and what they feel is heavy on their hearts. I also have 12 new penpals! I am SO BEYOND EXCITED for this. I am so excited to send letters of love and encouragement to my friends. I am grateful that they are willing to accept this form of "hanging out" while I am in nursing school. I am so blessed!!!

Community Group: I just love the people in my community group! I am always so encouraged by them! Being able to share dinner before going to the conference together was fantastic. I am so happy that while I do not get to have "normal" community with friends because of nursing school, I am still surrounded by caring and loving people because of Jesus Christ!

My Brother: for many reasons! Thank you Jesus for him and all you have been doing in his life lately. I am SO happy that I get to talk to him on the phone a few times a week. It feels like Christmas everyday!

School: While the tests were very rocky and terrible... I received a letter that I was accepted to the Nursing Honors Society! Hopefully I will be able to whip my grades into shape the next 5 weeks and stay in it! So encouraging!!!!

Clinicals: I talked about how much I loved my Peds instructor whom is also my clinical instructor. Thanks for her!! But I also really appreciate my OB clinical instructor! She was so helpful and encouraging this week and really made me feel respected and valuable. Thank you so much for her!!!

Friendship: I am so encouraged by my friends all the time. This week especially all the random texts and funny things shared between my friends and I made this week so much greater. I have struggled in this area in different seasons in my life and I am so beyond grateful that I have some truly wonderful friends that care so much about me even when I live far away!

My Dad: That guy is hilarious. And always knows the right thing to say! After my disappointing tests, I talked to him about how upset I was. He didn't lecture me or patronize me. He didn't make some sweeping claim about how I will "go get 'em next time". Instead he really listened to me and comforted me. He reminded me how much of a hard worker I am and that sometimes in life our grades don't seem to reflect our effort. He told me that he knows that I can turn my grades around by just continuing to work as hard as I do and by not giving up on myself. He put it much more gracefully and just honestly and not preachy or cheerleader status. I am so grateful for my father!

Mommy: She is amazing. She cares about every aspect of my life and is always there for me. I am so blessed by her. Always. Thank you so much Jesus for her. I look forward to our daily (and... let's be real... multiple-times daily sometimes) conversations. She's my rock!!

Praying the Day Away

So today started with two tests that went horribly wrong... so I decided to spend the rest of the day choosing love! As soon as I got home I wrote a few thank you notes to people... started scribbling parts of letters to mail off to my new pen pals (see previous post!)... and worked in a little bit of tidying up. I spent a long time in prayer, praying for the people on my prayer calendar for today (see previous post!!) and for all of my friends that had finals (and midterms!) today! I really just wanted to combat a rough beginning with as much love and hope as I could muster up!! I really feel as though I succeeded in doing that--and even had time to sneak in some homework! It always calms my heart to know that love always wins in the end and that Jesus is only one prayer away. Thank you all for trusting me with your prayers and for encouraging me to continue to choose love--even when things aren't smooth. For if we only choose love or praise God when things are good... what kind of faith is that anyway? (Matthew 5:46) Thank you all for enabling me to take this journey and to fill my soul with positive energy!

My Eyes Are Closed As I Type This

Oh man, oh man am I ever exhausted. I would love to get to sleep! I have two big tests tomorrow that I am about 4% prepared for... but I am exhausted! Too many nightmares! Well... I guess this program is making me an old lady because this time around instead of pulling another all nighter-- I'm just going to go to bed and hope for the best. I guess there comes a time where we just have to waive the white flag right? The thing that is frustrating about this program is that anything under a 75%... Yes this literally includes 74.9% is considered failing. Am I sure I could pass the test if passing was set at the normal college percentage? Oh yes. But it isn't and so I am nervous! We'll see how it goes!

All this rambling has a sort of point to it. I was at the library at school studying earlier today. Let's be real here-- no one really studies at our library... and those that do rarely stay more than a couple hours. But there was one girl that was there that was just pounding away on the books for all six hours I was there. I was proud of her! No idea who she was--but she was dedicated! She asked a girl to watch her things while she used the restroom-- so I wrote her a note of encouragement about how I admired her dedication and that she has everything it takes to be successful. I wished her luck and told her to believe in herself. It was about two pages long because I could only scribble so fast. Luckily for me the bathroom is kind of a walking distance away! I scribbed the note, dropped it on her desk, then picked up my textbooks and dodged out of there. I don't know who she is, but I was encouraged by her and her hard work. Good luck to you random library girl!

The Cost of Postage

Today I woke up at about 4:30 after a horrible night terror about my mom. Ugh! Those are the WORST. For anyone reading this not familiar with this part of my life-- I've had night terrors and nightmares a couple times a night for years and years. But some are worse than others--like when they concern my family! They are so real that it always takes a couple minutes for me to figure it all out when I wake up. It usually kind of throws off my day if they are really bad because no matter what, it still seems real and lingers a bit!

So after waking up with that dream... I was just in a sad mood! I wanted to call my mom, but it wasn't worth it to wake her up. She has night terrors too! So sleep is highly valuable in our household when you're actually getting it. I waited, went to school, and then at our 15 minute break around 9, I was able to call my momma. I instantly felt so much better hearing her voice! Phew! It gave me energy for the rest of the day!

Today I decided to start loving others by doing two things A) Writing letters B) Starting a Prayer Calendar      If either of those interest you, hit me up! I thought about what I could do to help people smile and I thought about how much I LOVE to get letters in the mail. Even if they are full of silliness, the fact that someone spent the time writing a letter to me fills me up with joy. I also love to see something in my mailbox other than bills and junk-mail ;)  I'm sure others feel the same way too and I wanted to bless them with that! So I asked for people to give me their addresses if they wanted letters! I hope that this is a way I can continuously show people how much they mean to me! It is easy to do because I can write little bits at a time... time that is too short to get any schoolwork done... and then it will just add on up to a full letter to someone I care about!

I also started a prayer calendar. I wrote people's names and prayer requests on different days on my calendar and will spend time each day praying for that person: for what they felt they need prayer for, and for any unspoken prayers requests they have. Then I will be ending the day by lifting them up for blessings! A couple people actually messaged me about getting in on the calendar... so I am so excited to see how this will bless others!

Cheers to Prayer Calendars and Postage Stamps!

The Power of Love

Edit: I am posting this now because apparently I hit save draft instead of publish post last night—whoops!

Today was an interesting day to say the least. I had a lot of work to do for nursing school which I was totally not able to even get halfway done… and then I had a conference to go to for church. I was thinking throughout the day a million different thoughts about life and my abilities and shortcomings and it was a pretty all-over-the-place kinda day for me emotionally. Three of my classes require that we work in groups for different group projects. There are about 41-42 people in my class, depending on which it is, so we are supposed to be in groups of 6-7. Well pretty much everyone got into groups already and totally discluded myself and another student. Since there are only two of us, we can’t start our own group. We asked the class about 3 times if anyone would please let us join their group… to no avail. Not even a single response back. This left me feeling just really terrible about myself. I feel like that would be pretty normal for anyone in my situation. 39 people and no one volunteers to let you in their group? They clearly have room for us both or else the numbers wouldn’t work out—but I guess that’s just how people are sometimes… especially when they are as clique-y as they are in my program. So after this development, I was having a kind of sad day. I was wondering if all of my intentional acts of caring or if any of the sacrifices of time, money, or otherwise that I have made for people (including people in this program) really even mattered at all. Then, I went to my conference.

It was on The Power of Image—a look at photography and its messages from a Christian perspective. We had some super famous photographer give us a speech and it was all well and good—but then he said something that really stuck to my heart. He was talking about how he organized this event with prostitutes and strippers where a make-up/hair team would give them a nice make-over, he would shoot their pictures, and then some photoshoppers would work on them to make them look like the quality seen in magazines. Then they would print and frame the pictures and give it to them. The idea behind it was to let them see who they were behind their career choice… it kind of would take a while to explain… but anyways basically he spent hours doing this event and the women photographed didn’t really seem to have a response. He went home later that night and talked to his wife about how he didn’t think that they really reached anyone and how it didn’t seem like anyone really cared about the experience. He was dejected.
Then over the next week weeks, he started to get calls from different people who knew the girls. Apparently some of them hung their pictures on their lockers at work to remind them of the women that they once were and could be again. One woman cancelled all her sex-appointments that day and went to the movies with her sister, which she hadn’t done in a long time, and said that for the first time she actually felt normal and human. Another took the picture home and showed it to her child and said that the way that the child looked at her made her decide to end her 20-year life of prostitution that night. Wow! Praise!

What I learned from that talk was that we all have moments of doubt about whether or not we are really making a difference. Circumstances come up that shake our foundations and make us question whether what we are sacrificing to achieve is even worth it. The thing is—we rarely ever know the true impact that our actions have on other people. If the photographer never received the call from the outreacher worker, he could have gone through his whole life never knowing what a difference he—and his team—made in the lives of those women. I just found that to be really inspiring amid my crummy day of self-reflection. I left the conference feeling renewed with my mission and everything I was doing.

When I got home, I logged onto Facebook to see if anyone had posted in my nursing group that I could join their group. Unfortunately, no one did. But what did happen made me smile even brighter. I logged on and saw a notification—Chuck McKeever has tagged you in a comment. I clicked on it and his status read “I have received massive amounts of karma lately, from strangers, co-workers, and friends alike. In an effort to repay my massive debt to the universe, the first three people to comment/message me can name a book from their reading list and I'll mail them a copy. Provided it's not a first edition Shakespeare folio or something, it will be yours free of charge. Doesn't matter if we haven't spoken since high school, met once in college, or I've known you my whole life. Get at me.” Then underneath that “ Ps Brittany Klocko your birthday thing was part of the idea behind this, so feel free to name one too!”

Success.

That’s all I needed. In that moment I realized—what I am working so hard to achieve… it’s working. If only one person’s life is better because of what I am doing, then doesn’t that make it more than worth it? I would have to say that it does.

Success.

Spotlight Sunday- Kenneth Shin

Today for my Spotlight Sunday, I'd like to but Mr. Kenneth Shin in the spotlight!! Kenneth and I met in college through one of the church groups I attended. I am so honored to know him. He is someone that really tries to make everyone feel extremely welcome and included. He probably knows more people on the UCSB campus alone than most people know from all the areas of their life combined! He really invests in his friends and makes sure to be at any event that is important to people. He gives his time away selflessly and is such an encouragement to all that know him! I have never heard a bad thing being said about Kenneth because he is really just such a genuine person and a lovely friend. A perfect example of Kenneth's friendship is that he reads this blog! As soon as I started writing it, he starting reading all the entries and continues to do so because he knows that this blog is so important to me! I never even had to ask for him to read it, that was just in his nature to do so. He makes me, and everyone else who knows him, feel valued and loved. For that reason-- I choose to spotlight you Kenneth! Thank you for being an incredible friend and someone that tries his best to connect to everyone you meet. Your love for others is incredible and inspiring!!! 

Keeping to My Word

It's 2:43 but I promised myself I would update this thing daily and try my best not to let circumstances delay me! So here I am!! I just came back from an AMAZING night of line/swing dancing with some very dear friends of mine. It was so much fun! It pretty much always is... but still! It was such a blessing to see them all. I am continually reminded how absolutely blessed I am in friendships. Thank you so much God!!!

Because I can't really talk about my main good deed for the say because it would violate HIPPA (the confidentially agreement in medicine)... I have to just talk about a smaller good deed instead! Today I was able to choose love by dancing with someone that I didn't particularly want to dance with. I am all game for dancing with absolutely anyone to two-step or swing... however the DJ played a song that was meant to be kind of a club-style dance. Clubs style dancing makes me SO uncomfortable!!!! But some older gentleman asked me to dance-- so I accepted! Now before it sounds like I was iffy on my morals to please someone else... that wasn't the case. He was a really nice older man and we just step touched to the music in our own ways with a healthy amount of distance between each other. However, I really feel like it was important to him that I said yes. He was so respectful! I danced with him later to a two-step and we were talking and he mentioned that he just moved to the area and it was only the second time being there. He said that moved into the area after his wife passed away. He said that this has been one of the best nights he has had since her passing almost a year ago. I was so honored that he chose to share that information with me. He was such a lovely person. I am so glad that although I was not super comfortable with dancing to the first song, I listened to what my heart was telling me to do and said yes. I think it made both of our nights in the end.

The Shortest and Sweetest of Them All

I am challenging myself to make this post only a paragraph. Strange (and oddly hard to do) for me since I love to just type all of my thoughts out like as they come out of my brain. However-- I am choosing to love myself today! I have had about 8 hours cumulative of sleep because of my insane week-- and since I have to be up at 0500 tomorrow... I am going to let myself get some much needed rest now that my midterms are all complete and everything else I needed to do is finished!  My major opportunity to choose love today was that I went to the grocery store on my way home because it has a Wells Fargos inside of it. I saw a homeless person outside of it asking for spare change--not an uncommon occurrence over here. I went in an bought a bunch of fresh fruits and a couple other snacks and walked out and gave them to him. I then talked to him for about 15 minutes and prayed with him (upon his request) before I left. I totally forgot to deposit my checks at the ATM... but hey--what canya do?! It was blessing to meet that man. He had a truly remarkable story and completely blessed me! I could say so much more-- but I promised to love myself today too! So goodnight!



edit: My Oh My! In the hustle and bustle of doing all of my midterms and clinicals assignments before midnight... I totally forgot to do my Faithful Friday! So I am back here adding to Friday's blog because it is so important for me to do!!

Faithful Friday:
I would absolutely love to thank God for his faithfulness in these following areas this week:
- Friendship: I was so absolutely blessed to be able to spend time in Santa Barbara this past week and really be able to spend some time with some of my absolute best friends. They always bring such a revitalizing energy to my soul. I love them and an blessed by the truth, faithfulness, and prayer they speak into my life.
- School: I really love one of my new teachers. She is my teacher for a class and a teacher for one of my clinicals... so I get a double dosing. She really is so wonderful. She is easy to talk to, a lovely nurse, and really seems to care about her students. This was such a pleasant surprise and I am so grateful!!
- Family: It was my brother's birthday this week! I am so happy that I was able to spend time with him!!! I haven't really been able to see very much of him since he left for college 6 years ago... so it has been so incredible to really spend a lot more time with him. I feel like I found the missing puzzle piece I have been looking for for the past 6 years!
-Miscellaneous: I have been praying for a lot of different people this past week. Some of my prayers have been answered!! They were meant to be confidential, so I will not share them, but I am overjoyed in how the Lord is responding to our prayer!

All Caught Up

It's finally here! The moment where my days are back on track! Hallelujah! I never thought I would get here! Sure I am putting off writing a midterm, preparing an assignment for clinicals tomorrow, and preparing my presentation for tomorrow... just so I can be caught back up.... but hey! it's worth it to me to not have it looming over my head. I'm all caught up and boy does it feel good!

Today--oi vey! I had that test I wrote about in my last post.... oof. I had two other classes. And you can see the list of things I have yet to do is staggering high... but overall, today was alright! I am just about ready to crash on my pillow though so my typing fingers better get moving or else I will never get finished with all the rest of my assignments before my 2 hour "night's sleep" before rushing of to work in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) at UCLA tomorrow! Phew! Type away little fingers!

Today I was just blessed by one of my dearest friends- Elizabeth. It just goes to show how sometimes the smallest things can make all the difference in the world to people--- something that encourages me as I continue to think of things I can do to show my love for others. Miss Elizabeth changed her profile picture to a picture of us both-- wooh. Big whoop! So extremeeeeee--- but really thought. It meant so much to me! I was going through a little internal turmoil struggle with someone else I am close to--- basically I feel like I give 200% in the relationship and feel like I get about 10% back. (We all have people like that--don't we!?) The person means a lot to me so finding the patience and choosing to love them despite their current absentmindedness and shortcomings has been both challenging and very important for me. So in the middle of this inner dialog that was ruminating in my head seeing that another one of my lovely friends changed her picture to one of the both of us was just so uplifting. It helped pull me out of my crazy babblings and out of focusing on everything that was not working out and let me remember that there are people in my life that absolutely give me all they can in our relationships. And this girl-- man she's a fantastic blessing! I was able to see her this past weekend and spend the night at her house. Through our conversations she told me about all the specific things she has been praying over me and over my life. Man how can that not lift you up!? All those times where I might have felt alone or unwanted, I had a friend that was thinking of me and talking to the Lord on my behalf. Shoot. If that isn't humbling, I don't know what it. I love this girl so much. She is an amazing sister and a beautiful person. So for my intentional act of loving-- I sent her a little something in the mail. I had already bought her the item a couple days ago, but hadn't sent it yet. I was waiting for a time when I could make it to the post-office. But let's face it-- in nursing school timing that might have been like 2 weeks from now. Instead, I asked the girl in the library next to me if she would please watch over my things (which she did! Thank you!). I sped walked across campus and to my car... pulled out the little gift and sped walked-it over to the on-campus Post Office that I forgot we even had. Then I sent that sucker on off for my beautiful friend to receive sometime soon. Thank you for all that you do-- loud and small-- Miss Elizabeth!

A Game of Cat and Mouse

I feel like I am always trying to catch up to this thing! Man oh man! I am going to finally finish catching up tonight-- note to self: don't expect to be able to go a whole weekend without internet and then catch up with your blog while in nursing school! Geesh! Homestretch though :) Thank you for being patient with me as I start to get back on track!

This post is for yesterday (Wednesday) :) Almost there! I have found that it hard to sometimes talk about how I have chosen love during the day because I want to keep some people's confidences and other times I have chosen to be extremely patient with someone that I am close to and wouldn't want to hurt them by divulging enough details about it. So keep in mind that while I may focus on one thing, sometimes many other things have happened during that day that I have actively decided to choose love for. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and definitely Wednesday I can think of quite a few examples that would qualify for this! So rest assured-- I am not a one-hit wonder. I don't go around every day trying to do one good thing so I can check it off my list-- I am actually trying to choose love ALL day and writing about a few of those choices.

Wednesday I chose love by sacrificing my time for my friend. A lovely friend of mine needed some help in shopping for something pretty darn important. I needed to spent the day studying for the test I had today (Thursday, which I already know I bombed!)... but I decided to go and help my friend anyways. This was pretty tough for me because I'm that overachieving, not happy with anything less than an A, kinda person. This program really makes it tough for people like me! My average amount of sleep per night dwindled down from a staggering 4-5 hours in college to a measly 2-3 hours... with WAY more all nighters. So for me to say "I'll totally take the hit in the gradebook to go with you" was a really big deal. But it was important. Although it causes my brain and heart a little bit of inner turmoil to not be Miss Perfection-- well more importantly/precisely Miss Always Gives 110%-- in school, it was much more important in the grand scheme of things for me to go with my friend. Life is made up of moments. You either choose to be a part of them, or watch them pass you by. When I look back on my life I don't want to think-- I could have been there on the day that X bought that thing but instead I got an A on my test... In the large scale of things, tests don't matter. People matter. All the A's in the world won't be there to comfort me when I am going through hardship or laugh with me when things are going jolly. They won't be there when I need someone to cry my tears and they certainly won't be there when I reflect on who I was able to help. Life isn't about perfection on some test, it's about being present in the moments while they are in front of you. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. If I died tomorrow, what would all those A's have gotten me? How many moments of importance would I have missed to get something that meant absolutely nothing in the end? Well I am not saying that studying is not important, or that I will choose not to do it when something else comes along... but what I am saying is that there are moments in life that are worth getting a C over. And if choosing the C means that you can show your friend that they are really important in your life... then it's super worth it.

Time Management

In the spirit of playing catch-up from this weekend, and knowing I still have a lot to study for my test tomorrow-- this once again will be short and sweet. Yesterday, I kept trying to find things to do for other people. I was in school all day, so there a lot of cool ideas I came up with just were not practical or attainable. I thought and I thought and realized that, sometimes, you just can't create an opportunity. When my last class started, we got some news. Background: we were supposed to have a midterm. Our professor promised he would narrow our studying focus by giving us a study guide of potential questions for the essay. He never did. We waited and waited and e-mailed the whole week with no response. Everyone was a little on edge. Would we still have it? Would we all fail it? How should we study? Background over. So we get to class and the professor gives us a good news/bad news announcement. Good news: No midterm today  Bad news: It's a take home midterm with three essays and due Thursday. We also have another test tomorrow, so having to do a long take-home midterm was pretty rough. But my opportunity to choose love came up! One of the girls in my class, who is incredibly nice and works really hard, asked if I would please look over her essays after she finished them to make sure that she was on the right track. I wanted to say no. I had a test to study for, my brother's birthday, was meeting with a friend for something extremely important, and had my own essays to write. Busy girl! But she works so hard and really seemed desperate. So I said yes! She is lovely and deserves to be helped, even if it is just a bit more work for me. I thought it was so funny that I was looking for an opportunity all day to help someone and then when the opportunity came to me my first reaction was to say no because I am so busy. I am glad my mouth somehow said yes instead. It's a process, but I am definitely getting a little better at choosing to love others!

Monday Funday

Monday was spent still in the lovely city of Santa Barbara! Wooh! Typing what I wrote for my blog entry while I was computer-less makes me miss SB already! Well this is a short and sweet entry so maybe I can delay the waterworks a little bit... ;)

My opportunity to choose love today was done with the help of a few of my friends, so I am so thankful for them and their understanding! I was walking back to where I had parked my car, a few blocks over from the house I was staying at the night before (Thank you Elizabeth for opening your home to me!!!). I was supposed to go straight downtown to my Kristen's house... where she was being just an angel and making me breakfast! Then, I was supposed to come back to IV and hang out with my dear friend Jeff. Well that didn't happen! On my way to my car, I witnessed a pretty gnarly bike accident. Some girl was turning a corner and a skateboarder came out of no where and accidentally cut her off. She turned hard and her bike skid out from underneath her. She fell so hard to the ground and hit her head. Hard. Like you could honestly hear the sound. I rushed over to help her. The skateboarder stopped and was apologizing profusely and one other person came by to help us out. I was definitely far enough away that I could have just walked by and gone on with my life and with my plans... but my EMT/nursing/human qualities just could not do that. So I stopped to help her out. She was cut up on her whole right side and had a lot of bleeding under the skin of her skull. She lost consciousness too. Poor girl! I ended up locking up her bike at the bike rack nearby, did a quick trauma assessment, and then took her to urgent care. She was pretty banged up and all alone. She told me a lot about her life and about the terrible week she was having. I felt so sorry for her and her situation. I prayed with her and stayed with her the whole time. She did have a lot of bleeding right under the skin, but luckily no bleeding in her brain! A concussion--which are terrible--but nothing life-threatening. Praise!!! She kept saying she owed me and that she needed to repay me for being there to help her. This kinda made me sad because I would just honestly hope that as humans we are better than that! I would hope that other people would have done the same if they were in my place. I told her that I wasn't being nice, I was just acting how someone should act. I hope that she feels loved and valued.

Thank you so much for my friends for their understanding about me totally bailing! Especially since I was never to see Jeff at all that trip. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You really were so wonderful and enabled me to help choose love!

Spotlight Sunday

This is my first Spotlight Sunday! WOOH! I am actually super pumped to get this off and running! If you are wondering why this was posted on a Tuesday... please read the post below :)

There were SO many people that I wanted to do this on! I had such a hard time choosing. I think I wrote about 9 in my head on Sunday alone. But then I remembered that I have as many Sundays as I want to keep up the tradition and focus on all of those incredible people that have lifted me up and have helped shape who I am. So after that and after prayerful consideration, I picked Mr. Ian Charbonnet!

Now there are so many things I could say about this incredible man of God! Probably like at least 20 pages without stopping to take a breath. But it's spotlight Sundays and not Write a Novel Sundays, so I am going to keep it succinct. It may be short and sweet, but it helps highlight parts of this man's character that can be so deep and unending--just like the ocean. I know that the depths of his soul are incredible and that anyone who has the pleasure of spending time with him would immediately understand that he has intricate layers that are all equally captivating and beautiful.

Mr. Charbonnet is one of the happiest individuals that I know; his happiness radiates through and around him. I'm not saying that he is all sunshine and rainbows and that little unicorns and ponies dance around him-- that's ridiculous. I think we all know that one person that is just a little too sweet and kinda grates on your nerves. Like how can everything be so perfect all the time?! Just stop.-- No, Ian has a different kind of happiness. It isn't that Ian lives in moments that exude a lot of pleasure. Pleasure is fleeting. It's a positive feeling that usually accompanies a physical experience. You can have a lot of pleasure without being happy. Drug users can attest to that. They can have moments of extreme pleasure, but aren't happy. Women in labor can also attest to that. Most women in labor are experiencing something far from pleasure, but in that moment many of them are extremely happy. So what all this rambling means is that Ian acts like a real person. He has good days and bad days. There are fleeting moments of pleasure. Sometimes things just plain suck and sometimes there are some serious struggles... but he still shows happiness outwardly during these times. He's real.

So what exactly led me to pick this super rad brother of mine to spotlight? Well the point of my blog is to choose love everyday... and that's exactly what Ian does. He is the kind of person that makes you feel like you are important whether you are the only two in the room or there are 500 people in the room. He exudes happiness through his incredible ways of showing love to others. He would probably give you the shirt of his own back while singing you a song if you wanted him to. Perfect example: This weekend in SB we went to the BFOM concert together. (For those of you that don't know, BFOM is an insanely talented and entertaining all-male a cappella group at UCSB and Ian used to be a part of it when he went there) Well I've been going to the concerts for about 4 years... and Ian knows I like them so he sent me the invite once he knew I was going to be coming up. Super simple; super thoughtful. Well I didn't know anyone else that was going to the concert and asked Ian if he wouldn't mind me tagging along with him. Even though he could have just sat with all his other friends and old "brothas", he graciously let me sit with him. When we got there, there were a lot of old BFOM and other a cappella group members that he hasn't seen in a while and wanted to catch up with. Instead of politely excusing himself while I was at our seats to catch up with his old friends, he actually invited me to come with him and introduced me to every single one of them. First-- it was super rad because I've been listening to them sing for like 4 years and now I didn't have to be the creeper that knew their names without having ever been introduced. But more importantly, it made me feel so loved and important that he would introduce me to his friends (that I probably would never meet again) just so I felt included. And I don't think he even thought twice about it. I wasn't just some random girl tagging along while he caught up with all his good friends... but rather I was a meaningful person to him that was important enough to be included. -- And that's who Ian is. He is someone that is constantly in a state of uplifting others without even knowing it. God's love shines so bright through him.

There are a million great things that I could say about him. He is a Godly man. He is a loyal friend. He has a beautiful voice. He brings people closer to Jesus by connecting them to bible studies and churches. He leads worship at High Ridge. And I could go on and on. But it takes a true believer to act differently. You can have all the right answers to the questions that people ask. You can show up at church, even lead worship, and look like the example of a "perfect" Christian on the outside. But someone who really has a relationship with the Lord let's all aspects of his/her life reflect His glory and goodness. Ian doesn't just talk the talk... he doesn't just know the scriptures... his actions reflect the grace and love of Jesus. He challenges people in ways they have never been challenged before. He loves people fervently. He sees the people he is talking to, not just faces. His life is a living testimony of God's power and love for the world. I am so absolutely blessed to know this man and call him both my brother and friend. I couldn't think of a better person to start my Spotlight Sunday with. I think it is very safe to say that Ian chooses love everyday.

Playing Catch-up

If you read Friday's blog, you know I was in SB this weekend! YAY! I tried to get to the internet to write my blog because I promised myself I would do it everyday, but I wasn't able to get an internet connection. So I am doing a little catch up! To keep myself accountable, I wrote down my blog for each day... so I technically did it on time! ;)

Saturday was a great and hard day all wrapped into one! But it was a blessing. I was able to leave my clinical rotation early because it was cut short. It was orientation so my instructor was kind enough to not make us stay and do busywork. YAY! Thank you! So that means I got for leave to SB super early... which means I was able to spend time with my best friend in the entire world, Cori Stritzel. Like COME ON. That was perfection. That was all I needed to be happy! Such a blessing!!!

Then I ran into my ex-- ughhhhh noooooooooo. Isn't it crazy how the smallest choices and the most concidental timing comprise our everyday events?! Let me lay it out for you. Cori and I had finished eating and were waiting by my car to see if one of my friends was going to text me back. If he did, I was going to go to his house. If he didn't, I was going to go to Cori's. So we were just standing around chatting while waiting for the text to come in. If it came in sooner-- I would have been gone! Well Mr. Wonderful pulled into the parking lot. One car separated us. If he had parked behind me, I wouldn't have seen him because I had my back turned. If he parked in a different row, I would have never seen him either! But alas, that was not where he parked. And who knows how crazy the timing might have been on his end about why he decided to leave his house at that exact moment to get food at that exact place. He wasn't supposed to be there... he was supposed to be a Rugby tournament far out of town, but couldn't go because he had too much studying to do. I wasn't supposed to be there-- I was supposed to still be in clinicals! Isn't timing just funny?! So many random things have to fall into place and if any one thing was changed, the whole course of events would also be changed. Alas, we were at the same place at the same time. Well I had mixed feelings of wanting to tackle him with a hug and wanting to run away crying. However, I stood my ground and with the help of an angel of a friend was able to talk to him. For like ten minutes. Man oh man. It was so difficult! For the most part, it was difficult because I think the sun still shines out of his behind. Who would want to put themselves out there for assured rejection? Maybe crazy people, but not me. Well I guess somewhere along the line, I turned into one of those crazy people. I realized that as much as it hurts sometimes to love others, that is what I am called to do. What I am NOT saying is that you have to be besties with every person who has done you wrong. What I AM saying is that for me, it was important to show the love I have for him, and not the hurt or anguish. I have always been one to say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I have struggled with being able to focus on all the positives that accompany all of the pain. I am working my best on that! So I chose love this time. I care about him. I pray for him nearly every single day still. I want the absolute best things for him. So why would I let my emotions of hurt and heartbreak control me? Why would I let the caring and compassionate side that desperately wants happiness for him be swept underneath the rug? It's selfish for me to do that. It is selfish to withhold love from him because it may hurt a little for me. If I never saw him again, would it show him that Jesus is the leader in my life? If I acted on my hurt or showed any lingering bitterness, no one would have benefited. Radical love is what I'm called to do. Grace is what I am called to give. So I sucked it up and did my best to show the sincere love I have for him in my heart. Did it hurt my heart to see him? Yes. Did I break down and cry after he left? You sure bet I did. But I am proud that in the moment I chose to show him love. If we choose to let the hurt and darkness rule us, then we are ripping off the world from some serious greatness. In the end, love conquers hatred. Love conquers sin. Love conquers death. Jesus paid it all for me. So while this interaction may have left a little hole in my heart, it will be used to build me up. I am destined for greatness. And so is he. And he deserves to know that he is loved and cared about. He is important enough to show love to no matter how hard it may be. He is worth love. And so are you.

Faithful Fridays

Today is my first Faithful Friday!! Don't know what that is? Click out the links on the right side! Then you'll know exactly what that is :)  Today was lovely. It's 8:00 (20:00) right now, but I swear it feels like 11:00. I am exhausted! I started off my day by falling flat on my face. For real. Those were the first moments of my waking life today. Alarm goes off, step out of bed, trip over a box, and literally land with all my weight on my knee... hard on my wood floor. OUCHHHH. Can you say klutz?! I crawled over to the light switch, turned on the light, pealed away some skin that I ripped, and saw that I was fine. Nothing broken, just bruised! I got up, got dressed, and drove all the way to the hospital for clinicals with my left foot, since my right knee was bound in ice! I think it's finally getting to that point where the sleep deprivation is getting to me hahahaha! But it still really was a lovely day! I gave the muffins to a different parking lot attendant because my main man wasn't there... but they were still well received! Then went through the day, came home, took a long shower and just relaxed. I am SO ready for bed! But here is the recap for my faithful friday!

FAITHFUL FRIDAY RECAP:
- I wanted to go to SB so badly this weekend because my two tests next week aren't are crucial so I have some "free" time (using that word loosely here). All this was hindered by my Saturday clinical getting moved to Sunday. After some persuading by my clinical group, my instructor agreed to move it back to Saturday. WOOHOO!! Thank you Jesus!!!!! I am so excited to see my friends, especially certain people that I just really need to give a BIG hug to. I cannot wait to go to HighRidge Church and give the biggest hug of them all to Pastor Drew Jackson and his wife Heather.
- My brother moved back home last week! I am so beyond excited for him and I am SO excited that he is so close to me! Every time I go home, which... let's face it... is like every weekend because I love my parents, he will be there! AH! Like a family reunion EVERY WEEKEND! This is literally the dream for me. YAY!
- A dear family friend that is going through an extremely rough time is starting to show a lot of progress. I am beyond thrilled. Thank you Jesus for answering all of our prayers!
- I PASSED MY CLASSES! YAHHHHHH BOY! While I just BARELY missed an A- in Mental Health... a B+ isn't too shabby in this program! I also got a high A on my Advanced Medical-Surgical final so that means a high A in the class for me! I worked my booty off and I am so beyond thrilled that God allowed for my preparation to be rewarded. Thank you!
- My community group celebrated my birthday with me on Sunday! We all went to church together, went to Korean BBQ (my first time!) and then to see Son of God. It was so amazing to be in community with these lovely men and women. I was beyond psyched.
- Lastly, my incredible housemate took me out to dinner for my birthday. We went to an Argentinean restaurant. If you know me, you know I do not try any new foods... but I was just so blessed by him that I couldn't say no somehow! And so I went... and I ate everything that he ordered for me. This honestly was a huge step for me. It has always been so stressful for me to try any new foods that I just shut down. So I am so grateful that I was able to have this experience! I did it! And I am so absolutely grateful for my housemate. It was incredible of him to take me out AND pay for dinner! I am so blessed by BOTH my housemates. I couldn't have had a better housing situation. This has just been straight work from God. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Now off to bed for me... cause I'm exhausted!

Attitude of gratitude

I'm three for three remembering/taking the time to write on here. Breaking all kinds of personal records hahaha  Well today was definitely a hard day. For many reasons, today was just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. (Shout out to Alexander and that great children's book!) Days like this really help me to put into perspective how important it is to be doing this blog. First, it helps to ground me and make me stop to appreciate the little acts of kindness I have been shown on a day that isn't so grand. Second, it helps me to remember that my actions affect those around me. Just because my day is terrible doesn't mean I have to go around stomping my feet on the ground and making everyone else miserable too. It's in those moments that choosing to love others is even more important... which brings me to reasons three: bad days keep getting worse until your attitude starts getting better. After getting home around 6, I knew that I needed to decompress and channel my energy into something positive. I looked on my desk and saw a candle set that someone in my community group (bible study) gave me for my birthday. It was thoughtfully chosen and had three separate scents that you light together so they become one big, happy family. He chose the "Calming" bundle for me. What a sweet treat. I lit the candles, turned out the lights, hopped on my yoga mat, turned on that relaxing piano music, and did my deepest breathing and stretching. I focused on how kind it was for my friend to give me such a thoughtful gift. I reflected that I was so blessed to be living in a house that has such a big room that I can sprawl across my floor and have room to spare. I concentrated on channeling all the positive energy I could in with my breath, and breathing out the tension on my exhale. I prayed about my thankfulness to God for all He has blessed me with. After 20 minutes, the rice I had on the stove cooking for dinner was done so I ended my mediation session. I blew out each of the three candles, listing one person I was grateful for with each breath. Immediately, I felt better. That attitude of gratitude stuff is no joke! I highly encourage you all to try it. Filled with tranquility I thought about my day tomorrow. Off to the hospital at the crack of dawn! We have to pay to park at UCLA (kinda lame I know...), but there is always a parking attendant that greets me every morning to take my payment. Each morning he gives me a hearty hello and asks how I am. It's literally before the sun comes up, sometimes it's freezing, and once it was raining... but my jolly friend just stands out in this open parking lot working and offering his hellos. So I'm making that man some muffins tonight. He doesn't have to be as kind as he is in the morning, but he is. So hats off to you parking attendant man. You brighten my day. I hope you like lemon poppyseed muffins!

A Day of Thanks

Day two of the blog and I am actually here writing it...! Two for two! WOOH! I'm proud of myself hahaha

Today was a fantastic day. While I had about 25-30 minutes of sleep for the night, I killed my final this morning, which always puts me in a good mood. It's always nice when your hard work and sacrifices pay off. So what to do now that finals are over?! Well... this is nursing school... an accelerated bachelor's program to be exact so that means that we don't get any days off. Back to school tomorrow with a reading assignment to be completed tonight! Boy oh boy. Even so, I couldn't let this beautiful day go to waste. Although I felt like my bed was calling my name longingly, I decided to really be proactive in starting off my new attitude of gratitude on the right foot. I moseyed my booty on down to the market and bought some thank you cards. Over the past few weeks, so many people have been so gracious to me. From birthday gifts to encouraging words, I had a lot of people to thank. I got to work and then was able to throw on my bikini and enjoy some sweet rays on the lounge chairs on my patio. Man isn't winter in California grand? I continued the day by being blessed to have a super long video chat with my dear friend, and then made dinner. One more opportunity to choose love was there for me when I saw that my housemate had some dishes he wasn't able to get to yet. I washed them up along with my own and then drove into bed and under my covers.

Let the TV show binge begin! Netflix I am coming for you! (...until 8:00 comes around and it's time to go to bed and make up for all the sleep I've been losing hahaha!)

Birthday Celebration!

A few of you have been asking for me to write about some of the good deeds people did for my birthday celebration, so here it is! For those not in the loop, for my birthday I asked my friends far and wide to join me in a special birthday celebration. Instead of meeting somewhere for a party or spending money on dinner, I asked that they would donate that time or money to someone else in need. I offered up a bunch of suggestions on how they could celebrate my birthday by practically loving on others, but many of you guys were so creative yourselves! I am so honored and blessed by each and every person that said yes to choosing love for my birthday.

Here are some of the neat things that you all did!

• Donated money to two different organizations in Sri Lanka
• Donated money to Saint Jude's Children's Research Hospital 
• Offered to pay for someone's ice cream that was short on money
• Giving up $20 that was gifted to him/her to a hard-working man in need for his family in Mexico
• Being intentional with thanking a worker that cleans restrooms
• Donated furniture to a family in need
• Gave food to a homeless man
• Bought nice dinner for a housemate who is going through financial difficulties
• Treating a co-worker with financial difficulties to lunch
• Bought a gift for downstairs neighbors
• Send chocolate-covered strawberries to a close friend
• Giving his/her own coat to a man on the street in need of one
• Driving someone home that had too much to drink
• Baked cookies and took them to coworkers
• Drove his/her gospel choir director home to LA after rehearsal at UCSB.
• Donated money to a non-profit called Bike-and-Build
• Buying and donating items to a children's center
• Offered moving services to a friend moving into a new place
• "I baked chocolate chip cookies last Thursday and surprised a few friends with them. And today I bought postcards which I will be writing little notes on and sending to friends far away to let them know I'm thinking of them"
• "I wrote an encouraging letter and put it in an envelope along with a Jamba juice gift card. I left it taped to the flip-up desk in a lecture hall to be a pleasant little surprise for the next person who flips up the desk"
• "On your birthday we had a big school event that was catered and they were gonna throw away the many trays of leftovers so I offered to go give them to a soup kitchen instead"
• "I helped a homeless lady get her dogs into a kennel for a few days so she could go to medical appointments"

Thank you for all you have done and continue to do. Please keep choosing love!

Here are some things I did to celebrate with you

• Walked a woman without an umbrella to her car in the rain
• Wrote 50 encouraging bible verses on index cards for a friend in need of a pick-me-up
• Bought hot chocolate for a man selling flowers out in the rain
• Donated blood
• Cleaned the dishes for my housemates after a huge 100+ person party (for my housemate's birthday!)
• Bought and gave away books for someone that wanted them
• Tipped a server 40%
• Bought a cold-weather sleeping bag for someone in need
• Bought flowers for someone in need
• Prayed for over 40 people throughout the week

Can't wait to keep it up!

A Fitting Beginning

Welcome to the blog! I am really pumped that you are reading it! I figure that I will have a constant viewer of like one person... my mom... but you're here now and that means the world to me!

If you have not yet clicked the links on the right hand side, I encourage you to do so. It explains my reasons behind the blog, as well as what you can expect from it day-to-day, week-to-week. It may be the blog for you, it may not be, but I encourage you to continue to choose love in your daily lives whether you do it with me or not. As mentioned on one of those two links which I know you either totally read or are totally about to read, I am writing this as an accountability for myself moreso than a preach-it-to-the-world thing. What that does NOT mean is that I don't care about you and your insights. If you were able to choose love in a way you want to share, PLEASE do. If you have ideas of how myself or others can be better examples of love, please share that too. I am writing with the idea that I may not have many viewers, but I would be thrilled to have you on the journey with me to live a life exemplifies love.

This is a fitting beginning for me. It is situated right after my birthday and a day before the start of Lent. It is a perfect time of reflection for me to see where I have been and where I want to go. I can imagine that there are a lot of different views about me as a person, but I am going to focus on two for right now. *Caution there will be white girl ghetto talk/awkward jokes/puns that aren't funny throughout the blog because I talk to myself in crazy ways in my head and isn't a blog just you talking to yourself? So here are two types of people I am going to address right now:
1. Person A: Girl you are so wonderful. You like to help people and you are just rad. I can't believe you need to choose to love people everyday.
            Well Person A probably consists of a grand total of 0% of the world's population. I probably couldn't even swing my parents along for the ride. But I'm addressing my imaginary friend anyways. I do like to help people; I've been doing it as far as I can remember. A lot of times people see some guarded exterior of me and don't realize all of the acts of love I have been doling out my whole life. I am actually incredibly shy towards people that I'm not super close to and most of the times my shyness comes off as me being stuck-up. For that, I am sorry. I hope you never feel judged by me. I think some people would be shocked to know I can actually be self-sacrificing to a fault. Sometimes I help people at the expense to myself without them even knowing. This isn't a good quality either. If you don't have something for yourself, you can't give it away. Like the old saying goes "Beware if the naked man offers you his shirt". I've been working on fixing both sides of this problem too. The point of addressing Person A is this: I don't care if somehow, magically, through this process I end up looking like Mahatma Gandhi (one of my favorite people like... ever.). There will always be work to be done. There will always be temptation to be reactionary based on my emotions or temptation to say no to helping someone else. It is always a choice to love someone and it never ends. Please continue to encourage me in ways to love others. I am always willing to learn and always willing to hear your criticisms.

2. Person B: You are a jerk. I remember one time at band camp...
           I'd like to refer you back to Person A's explanation: sometimes my extreme shyness can come off as stuck-up, uninterested, or judgmental. I can assure you that the only thing really going through my mind is how uncomfortable/nervous/awkward I feel. Nevertheless, there have been times in my life where I have been a total jerk for real and for all of those who feel like they're in that situation: I am completely and sincerely sorry. I invite you to talk to me about it. I have changed an insane amount from high school to college, and in the last year in college alone I have completely become a different person. I have a lot of the same interests, sure, but I am definitely not the same. All thanks to Jesus. For real though. That man has absolutely transformed my life and is working hard on improving me every single day. I hope that you will forgive me for my old self if I have done you wrong, and I encourage you to choose love and afford me grace. That is the amazing thing about Jesus: He takes you as you are, but He never leaves you there. I hope you will be able to see past my past and see who I am now. I hope that through this blog you will be able to see that my life now is a reflection of God's love. Yes, I will still stumble and fall at times, but Jesus is always there to redeem me and carry the weight. There are few things to me more beautiful than a sinner living a life of redemption. I hope that I can become the person that when I die people say "she never said a bad word about others; she just loved them". So from here on out, I would love to have you start this transformation with me. Choose love with me.