Playing Catch-up

If you read Friday's blog, you know I was in SB this weekend! YAY! I tried to get to the internet to write my blog because I promised myself I would do it everyday, but I wasn't able to get an internet connection. So I am doing a little catch up! To keep myself accountable, I wrote down my blog for each day... so I technically did it on time! ;)

Saturday was a great and hard day all wrapped into one! But it was a blessing. I was able to leave my clinical rotation early because it was cut short. It was orientation so my instructor was kind enough to not make us stay and do busywork. YAY! Thank you! So that means I got for leave to SB super early... which means I was able to spend time with my best friend in the entire world, Cori Stritzel. Like COME ON. That was perfection. That was all I needed to be happy! Such a blessing!!!

Then I ran into my ex-- ughhhhh noooooooooo. Isn't it crazy how the smallest choices and the most concidental timing comprise our everyday events?! Let me lay it out for you. Cori and I had finished eating and were waiting by my car to see if one of my friends was going to text me back. If he did, I was going to go to his house. If he didn't, I was going to go to Cori's. So we were just standing around chatting while waiting for the text to come in. If it came in sooner-- I would have been gone! Well Mr. Wonderful pulled into the parking lot. One car separated us. If he had parked behind me, I wouldn't have seen him because I had my back turned. If he parked in a different row, I would have never seen him either! But alas, that was not where he parked. And who knows how crazy the timing might have been on his end about why he decided to leave his house at that exact moment to get food at that exact place. He wasn't supposed to be there... he was supposed to be a Rugby tournament far out of town, but couldn't go because he had too much studying to do. I wasn't supposed to be there-- I was supposed to still be in clinicals! Isn't timing just funny?! So many random things have to fall into place and if any one thing was changed, the whole course of events would also be changed. Alas, we were at the same place at the same time. Well I had mixed feelings of wanting to tackle him with a hug and wanting to run away crying. However, I stood my ground and with the help of an angel of a friend was able to talk to him. For like ten minutes. Man oh man. It was so difficult! For the most part, it was difficult because I think the sun still shines out of his behind. Who would want to put themselves out there for assured rejection? Maybe crazy people, but not me. Well I guess somewhere along the line, I turned into one of those crazy people. I realized that as much as it hurts sometimes to love others, that is what I am called to do. What I am NOT saying is that you have to be besties with every person who has done you wrong. What I AM saying is that for me, it was important to show the love I have for him, and not the hurt or anguish. I have always been one to say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I have struggled with being able to focus on all the positives that accompany all of the pain. I am working my best on that! So I chose love this time. I care about him. I pray for him nearly every single day still. I want the absolute best things for him. So why would I let my emotions of hurt and heartbreak control me? Why would I let the caring and compassionate side that desperately wants happiness for him be swept underneath the rug? It's selfish for me to do that. It is selfish to withhold love from him because it may hurt a little for me. If I never saw him again, would it show him that Jesus is the leader in my life? If I acted on my hurt or showed any lingering bitterness, no one would have benefited. Radical love is what I'm called to do. Grace is what I am called to give. So I sucked it up and did my best to show the sincere love I have for him in my heart. Did it hurt my heart to see him? Yes. Did I break down and cry after he left? You sure bet I did. But I am proud that in the moment I chose to show him love. If we choose to let the hurt and darkness rule us, then we are ripping off the world from some serious greatness. In the end, love conquers hatred. Love conquers sin. Love conquers death. Jesus paid it all for me. So while this interaction may have left a little hole in my heart, it will be used to build me up. I am destined for greatness. And so is he. And he deserves to know that he is loved and cared about. He is important enough to show love to no matter how hard it may be. He is worth love. And so are you.